It’s been a while again I notice, sorry about that. I do jump on now and again, write a draft section on some subject then think ‘that’s a bit specific or dull’ and never publish it. I’m going to publish this one.
The title alludes to some of the content but also as a sort of tribute to the sadly departed Iain M. Banks who wrote a book titled the same, go read it if you like Sci-Fi.
So, The Player of Games why that title Scrapples?
I used to be very good at playing games, in fact I would say it was one of my best skills. The way to manipulate people and situations to my will, usually to get some booze in, to get a situation going that I could drink on or to get into somebodies pants, I got in a lot of pants for some reason and I have no idea why, I’m not exactly a very attractive person, both aesthetically and definitely inside, I’m a very ugly individual indeed inside.
But things have changed, no more games for Scrapples.
I no longer feel comfortable playing games, I most certainly don’t want people to bend to my will. There’s a fantastic section in The Big Book that I will repeat here;
From page 417 of The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous:
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life —unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.
Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.” He forgot to mention that I was the chief critic. I was always able to see the flaw in every person, every situation. And I was always glad to point it out, because I knew you wanted perfection, just as I did. A.A. and acceptance have taught me that there is a bit of good in the worst of us and a bit of bad in the best of us; that we are all children of God and we each have a right to be here. When I complain about me or about you, I am complaining about God’s handiwork. I am saying that I know better than God.
I think what I’m trying to get at here is that I no longer play games, if I am to remain sober I need, no, I have to remain true to myself and more specifically be truthful to you, my companions on this journey through life. But I suppose this opens up a debate as to why we feel the need to play, what is it that stops us just being truthful to ourselves and others? I’m really finding it very hard indeed to bite my tongue on occasions.
Can I add a caveat to all of this? It isn’t aimed at any one individual so please don’t take it that way if you’re sat there thinking it is aimed at you, there is no subtext, no game, no plot or ploy, but I did need to put it out there that I’m not here to be played with (well not in that way )
I’m just writing another post about my 10 months of sobriety that will be far more interesting . . . . . .