I’ve started ‘doing the rooms’ as it is called. This is visiting as many meetings as I can. You’re advised to try to get to 90 in 90 days, that’s a tough ask but I can and will do my best to achieve this.
The one thing I have picked up on the most so far is the lying an alcoholic can achieve. Wow, just wow. Anybody that thought they could make up stuff hasn’t come across one of us! Maybe there is a link here between authors, screenwriters, etc. and the demon booze, the twisting tales we can weave are amazing but that’s another post entirely.
I’ve pretty much lied for the majority of my adult life, ever since I took the first sip of that poison. You wouldn’t the believe the absolute crap I have made up to justify my drinking or the fallout from it and I was going to continue doing this, I actually thought I could continue to just make up excuses for everything in my life. This has to stop. I have quickly come to the conclusion that if I am to get well then I need to change everything about me and I reckon as well as taking it one day at a time not drinking that I also have to stop before I open my mouth and make sure I am not telling yet another falsehood. Achieving this should help two-fold, not only will I stop hiding the dirty little secrets, the ones that my inner drinking me loves to keep and remind me of when I’m ‘in my head’ they’re the best ones, they’re the ones that get me thinking I must run away to the land of no thoughts, no feelings and little contact with the outside world. I also hope I will also be able to look people in the eye for once (I’m terrible at sober eye contact) and know that I am being open and honest, that I am being sincere. Man this is going to be tough.
There are others, many others that I have lied to, wronged, cheated on and generally treated like absolute crap (including myself) that I will need to make amends to over the coming months and years, I hope I can get the chance.
* Lying Congressional Style is the name of a book in my favourite game Fallout:3 it gives you temporarily increased speech skills